Let's Chat About Therapy
There have been a handful of times when I've considered going to therapy. Most of them being during some sort of break down. I used to be a little unsure about the idea of therapy, like when I was struggling in college. A close family friend recommended I try the on campus counseling services but I never went. I'm not sure why I felt unsure about it, maybe just because it was foreign and scary and something that's not super talked about. I never actually went though. I have a different outlook and thoughts about therapy now. I go to the chiropractor each week to prevent pain and keep my body functioning well. Why not see a different doctor to help me keep my head functioning well? It really is the same thing. It's taking the time and effort to use the resources I am fortunate enough to have in order to keep myself running at my fullest capacity.
Towards the end of last year and at the very beginning of this one, I looked ahead at my schedule and I saw how quickly it was becoming jam packed (little did I know what was actually in store…). I know that when my schedule becomes non stop so does my anxiety and unease so I decided, at a time when I was feeling good and didn't feel like I was going crazy, that I could probably benefit from therapy.
In February I decided to go for it.
So why exactly did I Decide to go?
-Because I decided I wanted to be able to deal well with busy. I don’t want to shut down and do nothing because I feel overwhelmed. I want to have tools that help me organize my thoughts and tasks, prioritize and work through my stress in a healthy and productive manner.
-Because I want to be able to talk about hard things with out instantly shutting down into tears.
-Because there’s times I’m fine and there’s times I’m not. There’s times when the heavy in my chest and right below my ribs is more than I can take.
-Because I wanted to be able to better identify the things and situations that trigger my anxiety.
Even just finally coming to the decision to make the initial appointment served as a huge step in being comfortable asking for help, something I think we all sometimes forget is so so important to do.
After a few months, I feel like I can put together a little bit to share about my experience thus far. Being someone who is slower to open up to new people verbally and emotionally, it’s been tricky, but it’s becoming easier just like anything does with practice. I’m becoming better at articulating how I feel, because that’s just what you have to do in a therapy session. You have to give something in order for a therapist to help you work through whatever it is you are trying to address. Communication in situations that are uncomfortable or foreign have always been hard for me and I’m slowly starting to feel that becoming easier.
I had only been to a few appointments before everything started to shut down, so much of my therapy has been through video chat. Even without being in person, it’s been a nice way of compartmentalizing my feelings when things start to feel bad. It’s like I can say okay, I feel bad I’ll take a mental note of this to talk about in therapy. It’s been a way of stopping and acknowledging a feeling and being able to move past it which has felt like an incredibly valuable tool through the craziness of the last few months. As things start to shift back to a sense of normalcy, as work starts to pick up and schedule starts to fill, I’m back to working on the stress management aspects of anxiety that were what made me decide to start.
So far it’s been slow. It’s been gaining comfort. It’s been me getting to a point where I am starting to actually open up, speak up enough about a situation or just a weird feeling that seems singular or unexplainable, to have appointments that feel intentional instead of general.
So yeah, I've been going to therapy. I’ve added another tool to my toolbox that I’m learning to use and I’m also learning to talk about this tool. For anyone who needs to hear it, there is absolutely no shame in therapy. There is no shame in asking for help. Don’t feel like it’s something you need to hide. We’ve all got our shit we are dealing with and it can be incredibly helpful to have an outside source to help you work through it.